I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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