we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
