My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
you win again, gameday.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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