writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
