She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
