How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
