I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
