I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Say something about gay babies.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
