I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
