I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
