I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
