It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
