i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
