then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
