How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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