she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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