They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
