It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
