Non-Jews are for practice
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
