Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Of course I have a pirate flag
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
