Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
