ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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