Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
i wish my penis had a tongue
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Randomize
