I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Dear god my vagina.
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