i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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