girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
