your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Randomize
