what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
