New low: just hacked my moms facebook
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
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