There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
