Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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