This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
