I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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