He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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