I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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