And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
