He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
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