That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Randomize