don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I see more hoeing in ur future
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
