if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
