If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
