Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
