i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
