We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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