I want you more than these girls want KFC
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
