Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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