get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
