hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
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