I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
