make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
