As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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