Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
