I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
