I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
God, I missed his penis.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
