They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Randomize
