I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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