my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I made him laugh his dick is mine
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
