no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
