You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
