I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
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