im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
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