Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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