I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
