Me. At least after what I've been through.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
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