I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
