do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
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