I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
