So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
