is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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