1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Randomize
