Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
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