So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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