im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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