I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Then you guys just all showered together...?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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