i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
organizing the empties. That sober.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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