Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
