he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
