hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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