I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Randomize
