Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
