How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
