I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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