She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
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