But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
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