This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
