i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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