Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
