Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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