i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
