if you like me you must not know who I am
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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