everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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