it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
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