Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
