just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize
