I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
