He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
