This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
