omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
