Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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